Contents: Salt, sugar, sucrose, glucose, fructose, dextrose, lactose, high-fructose corn syrup, high-density maple syrup, honey, sugar-cane extract, saccharine, aspartame, sorbitol, corn sweeteners, prune sweeteners, deal-sweeteners, any and all natural or artificial sweeteners known to man, salt, artificial flavors, artificial colors, artificial gravity, wheat, barley, yeast, hops, charcoal, sulfur, saltpeter, corn husk byproducts, corn syrup solids, geometric solids, non-euclidian 4 dimensional solids, salt, baking powder, baking soda, bakalite, aluminum sulfate, calcium carbonate, vinyl laminate, formica, smegma, cellulose, masonite, linseed oil, turpentine, damar varnish, salt, one or more of the following: red dye #4, blue dye #92, ultraviolet tie-dye #69, artificial imitation flavor substitute #6, love potion #9, cortizone 5, uranium 238, dextro-lysergic acid diethylamide 25, salt, flour (may contain rat droppings and/or insect parts, no more than 600 parts per cubic centimeter), monosodium glutamate, manganese dy-hydro-oxyliayte, whaddayoutryinto intimate, dextro- mezoobophone, soothing mentho-crypto, extract of hydrolyzed re-animated zombie excrement, dust, salt, silica (may be in the form of ground or shattered glass), beta hydroxizine (to preserve freshness), helium (to preserve lightness), formaldehyde (to preserve everything), polyvinyl chloride (to preserve coolness), poly-unsaturated imitation corn oil substitute, polycarbonated polydimensional polygons, polyurathane, poly wolly doodle all the day, riboflavin, niacin, citric acid, folic acid, acetylsalicylic acid, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, thorazine, testosterone, serotonin, butane, dopamine, phenylethylamine, phenobarbital, corticosteroids, natural and artificial endorphins, ritilin, pituitary extract, human growth hormone, salivary enzymes, non-rhyming rhizomes, chopped planaria, toad-skin byproducts, dehydrated deuterium, de-stabilized anti-protons, left-handed proto-muons, neutralized borons, sterilized morons, salt, MSG, DNA, RNA, MDA, DDT, THC, LSMFT, vitamin B-12, vitamin B-9, vitamin B-ware, let's not B L-7, vitamin E-coli, hyperactive yogurt culture, retroactive cheese culture, decadent western culture, modified wheat starch, rectified chicken parts, stupefied weasel farts, sodium phosphate, sodium tri- phosphate, sodium tri- poly- phosphate, sodium octo- mondo- multi- mega- hyper- poly- phosphate-aroonie, carbonated bat droppings, granulated eel squeezings, dingo dung, disengorged yak cud, dog sweat, chicken teeth, pig wings, extract of mutated non-sentient carbon based life forms, lamprey oil, reconstituted weasel juice, flaked armadillo spoor, turtle wax, bifurcated groundhog gizzards, clam cubes, zebra phlegm (from concentrate), laminated ferret droppings, verigated insulated unexpurgated mime extract, dipwad paste, calcified lemming sweat, certified pure 100% natural gobbledygook, cross-pollinated corn hybrids, over-stimulated college co-eds, under-educated retro dead-heads, slippery jumplings, salt, sterilized ratfink shavings, roasted iguana nuts, anthrax bacilli, ambergris, imitation artificial semi-sweet not-quite-chocolate substitute, pasteurized processed squid ink and salt.

Contents may have settled and/or dissolved into goo during shipping. Product is sold by hyperbole, not by volume.

An artificial food-like substance. Use only as directed. Do not take internally or allow to come in contact with eyes or skin. Manufacturer makes no warranties, either implied or expressed, regarding this product, its safety, validity, origin, use or existence. Should you or any of your breakfast companions be killed or captured, manufacturer will disavow all knowledge of your actions.

Part of the illusion of a nutritious breakfast.